Mating Manners 101: Club Etiquette

September 10, 2009 at 1:41 pm (Uncategorized)

I love to go out dancing, especially with my friend Monica (plus, she’s tall too). It never fails that where ever we are out at, we meet these lame guys with even lamer mannerisms. So I felt the need to blog about the mistakes guys make when hitting on a girl at the club.

Stalker Stare: Be it known, girls size up the room just like guys do, it just takes us way less time and we aren’t as obvious. Within 30 seconds, we have determined who is cute, horrific, who we will talk to, might talk to, and won’t talk to.  So you standing 5 feet away from me giving me your “come hither” look isn’t going to work. I haven’t given you eye contact because  I don’t wan’t you to come over. Yes,  I see you staring. Guys please be aware that girls know when you are looking at them, and if they haven’t looked back, move on (or atleast blink).

Excuse-me Touching: Cousin to the accidental elbow-to-boob move, the excuse-me touching happens when a guy needs to get by you in the club, and for some reason feels the need to carress your lower back or stomach. Not a wise move, minus-5. No one gave you permission to touch me.

Arm Snatcher: I want nothing more than to be walking casually one second and then to be snatched and pulled in another direction.Yes, a delightful and gentle way to gain my attention. This is RUDE fellas. Again, don’t touch me lol.

Abrupt Rapid Dry Hump: So I guess we are not asking ladies if they would like to dance anymore? I guess is it now acceptable to suprisingly mount them and begin dry humping? No, this is not dancing. Also, I do not appreciate that if I dance with you and do it face to face, you try to swing me around to the other side. No means no!

Loitering Comment Shout: First of all why are you posted up on the wall anyway? It lets me know that you have be attempting to get at any and all women who walk by, and I am no more special than the others.

Outdated Lines: Ugh. I’m not your baby, ma, babe, girl, or shorty. Damn girl let me holla at you for a second? Ay girl come here? all these FAIL. Hi. How are you? Are you having a good time tonite? You look nice. All these are ACCEPTABLE! Here is a real true life scenario from when I was out in the K street area (I also feel the need to mention that this guy was not wearing a shirt for some reason):

“Lil Wayne” wanna be: Ay girl can I get at you for a second

Me (very politely): Sorry I have a boyfriend

“Lil Wayne” wanna be: Ay furreal, I don’t give a fuck about your boyfriend right now.

Me: ((walks away))((SMH face))

That’s one way to NOT win me over. Okay that’s all I have to say on the topic for now. Oh yea tall girls don’t like shorter guys (sorry) just had to throw that out there since last weekend I got hit on by a midget, no really, actual midget.

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4 Comments

  1. Amelia said,

    Perfecccccccct.

  2. FiscalStudent said,

    ” Be it known, girls size up the room just like guys do”

    I knew it! hilarious post

  3. Jessica said,

    LOL….I also don’t like it when a guy tries to have a full blown conversation on the dance floor! It is loud, the music is poppin’, and I can barely make out your name. Let’s just dance and have a good time, if you want to have a conversation go to the lounge!!

  4. Charles said,

    LOL Naomi good job… good read… u doing it big son son… congrads.

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