Four months in the blink of an eye!

March 11, 2010 at 11:46 pm (Uncategorized)

Time has flown. I have been in New York for 4 months. I do still feel like this was the move for me, but I don’t feel like I have been successful at all 😦

I have been on dozens of castings and go-sees and haven’t booked a single job. When do I throw in the towel? Should I give it a year? Two years? I’m feeling discouraged.

My social live is buzzing, my favorite places to party are Greenhouse, Veranda, and 1 OAK. I met a cool guy, Damion, who gets me and Monica into all the clubs for free, and our own table. We always have a good time when we party with him. He’s a model for Ford, and his friends are often hot!

As far as my dating life, well, if you don’t remember, the last guy I dated left me in a romantic wasteland. In fact, I sometimes wish I never met him. Why do I continue to settle for men who don’t deserve me?? I think it’s because I don’t think there are good men out there, so I settle for less in lue of waiting for more. I mean this guy was so bad for me it’s not even funny, and now he’s left a stain on my spirit that isn’t scrubbing off that easily. I hate myself for staying with him as long as I did (rant finished). Now, I had told Monica that I was DONE with men all together, then the very next day she came home and said that she had met the perfect guy for me.

Soooo I allowed her to arrange a blind date and it went extremely well, and I saw him 3 more times that very same week. I was instantly head over heals (as I often am in the beginning), but now, I’m not sure I want to do this anymore. My heart is tired! I just want one good one. I’m sooooooo TIRED of dating!!! So now I’m thinking should I even start things with this one, or should I just retire to my corner in defeat? Defeat.

So what’s next for me? Well, hell if I know. I need to find another job, I swear all my money goes to shoes and food. I don’t even want to think about how much I spend on frozen yogurt every week.

I have to bid you blog-readers of mine farewell for a bit. I’m at a crossroads, having a quarter-life-crises, etc.! And cannot deal! So, I’m signing off for a bit, I will say…..2 months….twitter too….and I’ll be back when I’ve sorted things out. No, I’m not giving up on my dreams, but I have been knocked down and need to regroup and pick myself back up to try things again, but slightly differently.

I probably sound like a Sad Sally (cancers tend to be moody crabs).



  1. Veronique Freeman said,

    Hey you!

    Well I must say you are off to a great start. I can appreciate your feeling like it’s a ‘quarter-life’ crisis, but I can assure you, you are right where you need to be. Four months, heck even a year, is nothing in the game you are playing. DON’T stress yourself, all will fall into place, I promise.

    With that said, the most detrimental thing you can do at this juncture is think about men. This can, and often is, the number one deterring factor in seeing a vision to fruition. Men are just an unnecessary cloud. And how can you, really, know what you’re looking for in another when you are just coming into your own? You can’t. You feel as though these men don’t deserve you, because they don’t-primarily because we’re still fully defining who you are. I mean the obvious: beautiful, smart, witty, charming-all day! But the ultimate compliment to that will be when you’re least looking and fully delved into your career.

    Now don’t get it twisted, date AWAY, a sista gotta eat. LOL. But don’t take ANY man too seriously and certainly don’t waste too much time on men and partying, especially late night partying (worst thing you can do for that precious face). NO late nights. All the connections you need and meeting and greeting can happen between 4-10p that’s when the real grinders grind. Definitely endulge in a nice and necessary party when needed, but don’t become ‘a regular’.

    I said it before and I’ll say it again, you are right where you need to be. Stay focused, Stay encouraged. And for every ‘no’ at an audition or call back go to 10 more-now there is where you want to become a regular! Every casting agency in NYC should be tired of seeing your face!

    Peace, Blessings and Progress,


  2. Ben said,


    True success never comes fast enough for any of us, and for those who think it does – it doesn’t last very long. Four months is a very short time, you are only getting started. Even in the business world, you’d still have a long way to go to be considered a failure. So, keep going strong, the days of despair will be dark, cold and long but the days of sunshine that follow will be worth the toil.

    When it comes to relationships, don’t sweat it. We all make mistakes and that is how we are able to define ourselves better such that by the time we settle, we already know what we DON’T want in a relationship partner. Allow yourself a decompression period after a bad relationship experience, this will help you focus on YOU and help you chart a better course next time. Jumping in right after a bad experience is not good for you and is also unfair to the other party who might very well be the person you deserve in your life but are too scarred from a previous experience to fully appreciate. Lastly on this issue, I know friends like to fix their other friends with “possible” relationship partners – my advice, let all your encounters with prospective partners be accidental, then see what happens. Sometimes when we set out to do something with an agenda things always tend to fall apart somewhere because they are forced, we’re trying to win a race instead of enjoying the journey.

    Being a CANCER myself, I can tell you that we are the tenacious kind who rarely give up so fight on Sista! The only fight that is never won is the one that is never fought

    Keep it Lit!

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